Vodka Taste Test
Date Tested: June 16th, 2023
Competitors: Just look at the picture
Test Description: Blind test, set up by third party – Unmarked containers each pre-filled. We did do one vodka at a time, returning to one if desired at the end.
Brand | Model | Country | Ingredient | Rating | Notes |
---|---|---|---|---|---|
Sobieski | Vodka | Poland | Rye | 2.5 | tastes like grass and rubbing alcohol, not a fan |
Titos | Handmade Vodka | USA | Corn | 3.5 | not bad, bad corn-y aftertaste |
Grey Goose | Vodka | France | Wheat | 3 | bad taste, very much a generic vodka |
Wheatley | Vodka | USA | Wheat | 2.5 | not good, very bad taste and high alcohol content |
Reyka | Handmade Vodka | Iceland | Barley and Wheat | 5 | good vodka taste, very smooth (no burn), cheapish |
Russian Standard | Platinum | Russia | Wheat | 4 | Verry generic vodka, not too alcohol-y, no burn |
Belvedere | Vodka | Poland | Rye | 4 | Very generic Vodka, not too strong. |
Zubrowka | Bison Grass | Poland | Rye | 3 | At first, very good, sweet anmd lemony, tastes like lemon pledge. After, very strong mouth coating and overpowering taste. |
Buckeye | Handcrafted Vodka | USA | Corn | 5.5 | Good, creamy, pepper taste |
Popov | Vodka | USA | Wheat | 3 | Very "spicy", not great, similar to first (chopin) but easier burn |
Luksusowa | Vodka | Poland | Potato | 5 | Tastes much better (not as "hot") than first (chopin), Creamy, easy burn |
Chopin | Potato Vodka | Poland | Potato | 3 | tastes like rubbing alcohol, spicy in a not good way, kinda creamy |
Vodka. The closest to actual cleaning product out of any liquor. Literally a mix between ethanol and water and nothing else. It is generally marketed as tasting of nothing. But I’ve taste tested water. So I’m not afraid of making something out of nothing. Also, did you know vodka is most probably historically from Poland, NOT Russia. Interesting.
Anyway, much like water, not all vodka is in fact the same. It is made from different starches, such as wheat, rye, or potatoes. It is also made from different sources of water, greatly changing the taste and feel. And, like many liquors, it ranges in price from $8/handle to $60+/handle in big liquor stores. Not as big a range as, say, bourbon, but still significant. So, does any of this matter? Can I, a novice taste tester, even tell the difference between a potato based vodka and one made from rye? Does the best vodka really come from Russia? Can I balance the need of giving every vodka a fair shake with the intoxicating effects inherent to the product? Probably not. An interesting note: due to Russia’s illegal invasion of its neighboring country, the state of Ohio actually banned the import of Russian vodka. Many stores in Kentucky took the same bottles off their shelves on their own volition. And despite not wanting to send money in any way to that nation, I thought their historical and cultural significance with this product warranted the inclusion in this test. Russian Standard Platinum was the only one we could find, and I had to send a participant 40 minutes away to get it. Oh well.
Vodka is traditionally imbibed chilled and neat. We kept to that tradition. Kids these days would call that “violent,” and maybe it was, but It kept the test authentic and fair. Using a mixer would most likely make all of these completely indistinguishable.
Why not house staples such as Ciroc, Absolut, Smirnoff, etc? I didn’t want too many competitors in this price range, and due mostly to my pretentiousness, as I go about picky my own house pour, I wanted something a little off the beaten path. In my defense I did include staples such as Tito’s and Grey Goose.
Also, the rating scale on this is not my normal 1-10. It’s my proprietary scale that I have adopted, as I believe it is a more natural and humanistic scale. It is as follows:
1 | Undrinkable |
2 | Bad and needs to be heavily mixed |
3 | Not That Good |
4 | Fine, wouldn't buy again |
5 | Good, would buy if decent price |
6 | Pretty good, would keep in stock |
7 | Amazing, Delicious |
Now for the takeaways. Sorting by rating clearly shows that I had no preference or could not tell the difference between any of the ingredients of the vodka. No starch stood out as being ranked consistently higher. Nor any country. I did say both Potato Vodkas were “creamy” and that Tito’s has a “corn-y” taste to it. I think these notes do show progress in my palette sophistication, but it clearly has a ways to go. Furthermore, I was also happy the Ohio made Buckeye Vodka took home gold. Maybe that’s due to its Ohio grown Corn tasting like home, though? Belvedere was the most expensive and I noted it as “very generic,” which I think speaks to the really small window of taste in which vodka works. The bottom three finishers are interestingly enough fan-favorites online. Chopin and Sobieski each being popular Polish brands that to me were too harsh, and I can’t think of any reason I’d grab them when Luksusowa exists. Wheatly is made by the Buffalo Trace distillery, which makes very well received Bourbons. All three of these are noted for their creaminess. I got that a little with the Chopin, but not as much as others. Different strokes and all, I guess.
The biggest standout taste-wise was Zubrowka – the only flavored vodka we had here. Not strawberry or peach or cheesecake flavored, though. Flavored with a species of grass native to Poland that has a lemony flavor. It is very popular in the so-called vodka belt of Europe. While it has a not so great rating of 3 in the chart above, the first sip of it is magically delicious. However, it quickly starts tasting like lemon pledge, which is where the poor rating comes from. However again, there is a popular-mixed drink called szarlotka in Poland (aka Frisky Bison in the UK). This cocktail is simply two parts apple juice and one part Bison Grass vodka, and man is it good. A bottle of this would be worth it for this cocktail alone.
Really, though, this test might be the closest, in terms of competitor’s tastes, I’ve ever done. I would really be hard-pressed to tell these apart if I was not trying them back to back. Although I now have enough vodka to last a sorority a year, if I ever need to buy it again I will be looking for Buckeye, Luksosuwa, or Reyka. The more expensive ones simply did not set themselves apart enough to warrant the price. I will no longer be purchasing Grey Goose or Tito’s due to their lackluster performance here across everyone’s scorecard.
Speaking of everyone else, my three fellow judges did not enjoy this as much as me. Their very loud consensus, which I obviously agree with to an extent, was that all vodka tastes the same. Whatever small differences might be present are lost after the first sip burns your taste buds off. Grey Goose and Chopin elicited guttural cries for help from the gang, noting them as especially harsh. But the rest were all met with slight grimaces of “yep, this is another vodka.” It’s hard to fault them for this takeaway. Also, yes, 12 half shots of vodka does go a long way towards making one drunk. Does this impact results? Almost certainly. Do I care? Not really.