Date Tested: November 09, 2019

Competitors: Bang (Rainbow Unicorn and Birthday Cake), Red Bull, Monster, Bob Ross Positive Energy Drink, Rockstar Strawberry, NOS

Test Description: Blind test, set up by third party – Unmarked containers each pre-filled. Tester may drink out of each in whatever order and render a brand guess and/or rating.

I’ve never been a fan of Energy Drinks. In fact, this taste test probably tripled my lifetime intake of Energy Drinks. Because of this, I had very few preconceptions about what I liked or what tasted good.

Not a lot to say about the results of this one. The two Bang energy drinks scored well, namely Rainbow Unicorn. However, It is very powerful taste wise – Its like drinking liquid Skittles. Birthday Cake is interesting but tastes maybe too much like birthday cake. It really feels unnatural while drinking it. What I imagine Wonka’s three-course gum. Much more accurate than birthday cake ice cream. For these reasons, I crowned Monster my current reigning Energy Drink king.

I think the effects of the caffeine were much more interesting than the taste test results. The recommended daily caffeine intake is 400mg. I consumed around 800mg, with near zero tolerance. It wasn’t as severe as I thought it might be. My hands did get a bit shaky after a bit, but that went away after around 20 minutes. I had an involuntary eye twitch that was rather extreme for about 10 minutes and slowly became more sporadic until stopping around 2 hours later. I was pretty wired for around 30 minutes as well, but had a hard crash after that, maybe due to the high sugar content of the Energy Drinks. I also had no trouble going to sleep that night (test was performed around 4-5pm), and in fact fell asleep earlier than normal, but I cant directly attribute that to the Energy Drinks. I can also say from this test that there is a noticeable difference in the effect from caffeine in, say, coffee and that found in Energy Drinks. Basing these findings on purely my personal anecdotes, I can say Coffee is much more effective in both long term energy and less severe in its short term effect. When I “overdosed” on caffeine from coffee I remember my vision tunneling and being hyper-aware for hours. I also remember the effect gradually falling off over the course of many hours. This is contrasted with the energy drinks: eye twitches instead of tunnel vision, a general restlessness instead of focus, and an energy peak and crash instead of an hours long effect. Sadly, I do not like the taste of coffee. In sum I was not a fan of Energy Drinks before this test and none won me over to being a regular customer. If I’m wandering a gas station in need of a pick-me-up, I’ll look first for a Monster.